When the Conductor Looks at You

There is a moment that not many musicians talk about. In fact, I've never heard anyone talk about it.

You're performing a Beethoven symphony. You're sitting in your section, one musician among many. You look up at the conductor—as every musician should, and as every excellent musician does.

And then it happens.

You catch the conductor's eye.

He looks back at you.

For a brief moment, your eyes lock.

Sometimes, if you know the conductor well, there is a look of understanding. Sometimes appreciation. Sometimes even a grin during a particularly exciting passage of music.

There is something about that look that lights your soul on fire.

I've experienced that moment on many stages with many conductors, but the feeling is always the same. I feel seen. I feel known. I feel valued.

It's a deep satisfaction that is difficult to describe.

All the hours of practice. All the sacrifices. All those quiet fears that whisper, Am I really good enough to be here? Suddenly, they disappear.

Because he looked at you.

He saw you.

And you knew you mattered.

You.

Years ago, after one of these moments, I brought the experience into prayer. For the first time, I realized there was something profoundly spiritual about it.

It was as though, in that instant when the conductor looked at me, God Himself was looking at me.

Seeing my efforts.

Seeing my humanity.

Delighting in my presence among the countless people in the world.

I began to realize that my experience in the orchestra mirrored something much larger about life itself.

Each of us has been given unique gifts, a unique voice, a unique purpose. When we unite those gifts to the One who created them, we allow God to guide our lives just as a conductor guides an orchestra.

Our individual parts may seem small. We may feel insignificant among so many others.

Yet when each person faithfully plays the part entrusted to them, something extraordinary happens.

The music comes alive.

Countless individual voices become one beautiful symphony.

And through it all, the Divine Composer draws every note together into something far greater than any one musician could create alone.

This reflection has accompanied me through both my musical and spiritual life for many years.

Now, for the first time, I find myself in a season with the capacity, energy, and desire to share these reflections with others.

My hope is that the thoughts I share here will encourage you to listen more closely for God's voice, recognize His presence in unexpected places, and discover the beauty of the part He has written for your life.

And perhaps, like me, you'll come to recognize those moments when you realize that you have been seen all along.

— Mary